My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
