thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
