Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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