I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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