fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
