"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
