My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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