I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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