how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
