if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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