I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
