So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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