do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
