i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize