I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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