dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
