She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
