Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Damn victory sex feels great
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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