Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
