Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
