I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
