One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
