oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
