Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
