Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
