Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
