even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we're so committed to being not committed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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