please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
