He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
