I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
