This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
