he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
