Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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