Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just found puke in my bra..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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