I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
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How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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