Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My balls are so social today.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
