watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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