This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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