im six kinds of drunk right now
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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