i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
