So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your penis caused this!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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