No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will be naked everywhere
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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