the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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