tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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