no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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