I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
