remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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