Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
