google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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