By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
