Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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