Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
