i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize