Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she smelled like a LAN party
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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