I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize