it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
