I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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