You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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